Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
