STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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