I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
