Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
