How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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