I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
