The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
