i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
