It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
