I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize