but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
