just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
