I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
