my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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