i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.