ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"