He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.