no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.