How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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