i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
