i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can you repeat that, but with context?