You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
