As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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