you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
