Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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