White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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