so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk is not a location!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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