Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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