What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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