I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
