Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
