And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm both gender and math confused
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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