I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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