I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
