So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
