the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
