Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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