Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
