i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
