THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
