I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
