My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
