we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
