i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
