I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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