Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
