I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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