When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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