Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
