you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He did a backflip because drugs
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