Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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