feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
