sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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