At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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