Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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