I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My pussy is not your playground.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
