I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
