youre lurking in front of me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
