y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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