Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My ATM looks so different sober.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
