I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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