remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
