I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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