lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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