We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
