guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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