it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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