I feel great
I just peed on a car
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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