Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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