I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
