Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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