NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
