i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
