My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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