Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
